falling isn’t so bad after all

•July 4, 2011 • Leave a Comment

this is one of the good things about trying out new things.  you begin to conquer your fears.

that’s exactly how it felt like when i survived wakeboarding yesterday,  sure, my entire body is sore. my back and my shoulders hurt even when i laugh. and i indeed looked like a schmuck floundering in the water and falling in a kneeboard (this, after them saying that it takes no skill).

but hell, was it fun!

i was scared before this because i don’t know how to swim. if i fall in the water on the far end of the course, nobody will be there to save me.  i’ll have to swim all by myself. and if  i drown, i’ll drown with a life vest on so how much more tragic could it be? and then i have this thing about embarrassing myself or looking like an idiot.  upon arriving in the resort and seeing the water, my heart froze.

but i survived. i fell countless times and i swam. by myself. with a life vest, granted. but i got to the shore by myself. and when i couldn’t hold on to the cable or the kneeboard or the wakeboard, i was thrown like pebble in the water making much noise and splash.  i died each time. but when i resurfaced in the water, i couldn’t help but smile. it’s not so bad after all. 🙂

and looking like an idiot? others looked more funny than i did. we all looked like idiots. so why bother. we were all like babies starting to learn how to stand. of course there were the gifted few who could run the course and make twists and turns and jumps as if it’s the most natural thing in the world. but i’m at the center of the bell curve. so all’s well.

i didn’t manage to get up the board. but i can’t wait to try it once again. with no fear but more anticipation and excitement.

wakeboarding weekend

•June 29, 2011 • Leave a Comment

who’s going wakeboarding this weekend? me!

i honestly am not sure why i’m doing this. in the first place, i can’t even swim. and this is the first time ever that i’m going to try it. why now?

then my heart answers, with raised brow and an impish grin, “why not now?” 🙂

i’m scared, that’s for sure. i do feel apprehensive at having all these new acquaintances see me floundering too.  looking closely, i think i feel more scared about looking like a schmuck rather than drowning. this being the case, i really don’t have a valid reason for not going, do i?

and besides, i’m getting old. i’d look funnier doing this if i was already in my 30s or 40s. :p (no offense to the middle-aged).

courage too, is born out of pursuing or doing things despite and inspite of our fear. so there you go. wakeboarding it is then.

i’ll let you know on Monday!

i feel like ranting

•June 20, 2011 • Leave a Comment

 

i’m not happy with my job anymore.

i don’t like the person i’ve become because of this.  i don’t like the fact that it makes me doubt myself all the time. i don’t like it that i’ve become more paranoid than i already am (can you imagine?!) or that my temper has been less forgiving.

i don’t like it that i’m spending most of my day doing something i really have grown tired of doing. day in, day out. even when i’m dreaming.

i don’t like it that i’m ranting about not liking my work all  the time now.  i get irritated with myself so i can just imagine what it must be for my friends aka my sounding boards. it must be hell. i’m spewing nothing but negative thoughts, negative vibes, nega, nega, nega.

my friend once told me that i wouldn’t be happy with myself if i left my job because it’s too hard for me. but does it really have to be this hard? was it meant to be this hard?

and if i could rant as much as this, i think that’s a clear indication of where i’m headed to next.

dragon boat rowing

•June 19, 2011 • Leave a Comment

my back is aching. there’s soreness in my shoulders too. and my hands. my hands and wrists feel like they can’t carry much weight anymore.

but i’d choose to feel all these tenfold just to get to experience rowing again.

unlike most of my saturdays, i woke up today at 7:00am, left the house with two of my friends about an hour after that and we went straight to the river park for today’s big event. yep, it’s my first time to try this sport. i was a little anxious because i am afraid of swimming, we don’t know anyone there and this sport surely takes a lot of strength and endurance to complete – two things i found myself short on lately.

so anyway, we went there just for the heck of it. we thought it was going to be a “fun” race. but no, we got a taste of how dragon boat competitions feel like. WE WERE REALLY GOING TO COMPETE! they gave us the basics of course, rowed 200m which was the race distance we would be competing in later on, tried the long hauls and got to know what “charge!” really means.

then it was time for the eliminations or heats as they call these. our boat won the first heat at 59 seconds. yes. 59 seconds. for the professionals, this will still surely be considered slow. but for a newbie, this is mind-boggling to me. being the fastest in that round, we were immediately qualified for the finals.

the tension and the pressure to win was palpable. as we moved towards the starting line, my friends and i were teasing each other with quips like “is that your game face on?” or questions like “what are we doing here?” or “we thought this was just a fun-so-so race?” but deep inside, there’s tension coiling inside me, as i’m sure the others were feeling too. we have got to win this, i thought then.

and at the signal, we rowed with such gusto. i never thought i could paddle as fast or as strong as i did in those moments. but it wasn’t meant to be. we lagged midway and ended up at the third place. there was just silence in our boat, until our trainer who also acted as our steerman cheered us up.

still, not bad for newbies. 3rd place is still a good place to be in. and those few hours we spent in the company of such fun-loving, humorous and accommodating people was just so worth it.

so yes, just let me know when it’s time to paddle up again! 🙂

spare me

•June 12, 2011 • Leave a Comment

okay. just for the record, i’ve tried not to dwell on this topic too much.  i’ve been bombarded with questions non-stop from my relatives and sometimes, friends.  it’s tiring to have to explain myself everytime. more so, because i too, do not know the answer.

when am i getting married?

my eyes would roll up, my lips thin out to form a tight smile and i would just shrug my shoulders. “why ask me,” i say, “when in the first place i don’t even have a boyfriend?”  they would then ask me why i don’t have one, then follow it up with suggestions like “smile more often. they may think you’re too serious!” or “go out!” as if by doing so, i could immediately snatch a boyfriend or as if in those few minutes that we were talking they’ve already diagnosed what i’ve been missing all these years.

i’m beginning to hate reunions and get-togethers.

resurrection

•June 12, 2011 • Leave a Comment

long have i ignored blogging. life just caught up with me and the free time that i had in my hands was spent doing other wasteful things. so why now? why again? i felt the urge to write things down out in the open again.  i still haven’t shared this blog with my friends or anyone else who knows or may know me. but putting my thoughts out in the internet, even for strangers like you who may by some twisted fate, found your way here, gives me some satisfaction that physical journal writing or social networking is unable to give me at the moment.

so after one year of hibernation, i am back.

hello stranger.

“i want to be king again”

•January 21, 2010 • 2 Comments

What better way to start your day than read the news and be all riled up because of trash talk like below?

Estrada said he would slug it out “to the end” because he wanted to be “king again.”

Estrada said the Comelec decision would have a “big impact” on his campaign” because his detractors were spreading “disinformation” that he would withdraw from the race or be disqualified.

Now that the poll body has ruled in his favor, he expects his ratings in surveys to rise.

Estrada, the candidate of the Pwersa ng Masang Pilipino, has been a consistent third placer, after Senators Benigno “Noynoy” Aquino III and Manuel Villar.

Speaking at a forum at the Lyceum of the Philippines University, Estrada dismissed allegations that he would eventually withdraw and play the role of “kingmaker” by supporting another presidential candidate.

“I want to be king again myself (and) recover my throne that was stolen from me,” he told reporters when asked if he was going to be a “kingmaker.”

“Why will I withdraw? No way. No way,” he said. “I have a contract with the Filipino people—till death do us part.”

Full article from Inquirer here.

Tell me, when did we sign this contract he is talking about? OR maybe he forged it just like what he did with all those tobacco excise tax and jueteng fund cheques he signed before!!

And the scary thing about it is that there are still people out there who are buying this and are willing to vote for him!  Can’t they see how twisted this lower-than-planktons-in-the-f00d chain creature’s mind is?

King?! The president is there to serve not to be served and fawned upon.

Aaaargh! Morning stress!